Can I Trust Him? I’ve been with my fiance for almost two years. He’s had issues with gambling in the past before I knew him. He confessed to...
Can I Trust Him?
I’ve been with my fiance for almost two years. He’s had issues with gambling in the past before I knew him. He confessed to this himself, and I’ve been believing him when he says that he doesn’t gamble anymore — but now, I don’t know if I can believe him.
He is a great guy generally and he loves me, that’s obvious. The problem is… He lied to me! I found a letter from a credit card debt collecting agency that states that he owes over $5,000. I showed it to him, and he said it’s a debt from when he used to gamble. This is fine, but he should have told me about it when I asked him whether there was anything left over from his gambling days.
More Deceit
A couple of weeks back, I found out that he lied to me about another issue that I’d rather not discuss. When I asked why, he just said that he was afraid the truth would hurt me. But I’m much more hurt by the fact that he has lied to me! Now, I don’t feel like I can trust him at all.
I do love him, so that makes this complicated. I must add that he still lives at home (he is in his late 20s, as am I), has a son with his ex, and sends all of his money (he works full time) toward the child support.
His future doesn’t look bright unless he wises up, and I know that he is a good person whom I love, but I am just uncertain whether it makes sense for me to tie my life with someone who has so many money issues. And now there’s the whole trust thing!
How Do We Move On? Or Should *I* Be Moving On?
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| Money Problems, Gambling Past, Dishonesty: Is It Worth It? |
Point being, it goes back to being a responsible adult.
Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who hasn’t got enough common sense to sort out fundamental issues? This is life we’re talking about, you need to share it with someone who is serious when he needs to be — and money is no laughing matter!
The Bigger Issue
While this guy’s behavior with money tells me, personally, a lot about his personality, the fact that you said a few times that you do not trust him tells me even more. He has lied to you — and you caught him twice, which doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s only lied to you twice!
It’s possible that he’s got more to hide, and this is a suspicion that will follow you around for years upon years to come, unless you two go through serious counseling and he has proven his honesty to you. This is HARD to do!
I’ve no doubt that deep inside, he has a good heart and is a good guy. There are qualities in him that you fell in love with, and that’s great. But when you’re considering marriage, you need to consider the different areas of his life that will now become your life, as well.
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| Money Problems, Gambling Past, Dishonesty: Is It Worth It? |
His Other Relationships.
My recommendation would be to take a good look at his treatment of his parents, his siblings, close friends, and even his son. How does he act around them? Does he tell them “little white lies”? There may even be times when he asks you to conceal facts from his parents, if you’re close enough.
Many women don’t think about these things twice, but in your situation, you really need to open your eyes and analyze the way your man acts around his loved ones. Ask yourself whether or not you want to be treated that way for the rest of your life. If you do, then there may be something worth saving here.
Moving On
If you do decide to work at it and “move on,” the only way to do is through intensive counseling. You’ll have to learn to trust this man again, and the only way to do it, is if he comes clean about everything he’s hidden from you to date. I have a hunch there’s quite a bit to confess!
Additionally, even if you do trust him incessantly, he’ll have to learn to be a lot more responsible with money. I don’t know if he still gambles, but you’ll have to do some investigating to find out — I know I wouldn’t tie my life with a gambler, even if there was a slight possibility of that happening.
Once you’re absolutely sure he isn’t still gambling, I’d have a serious conversation with him (possibly with the help of a counselor) in regards to his relationship with money. He needs to be able to not only support his son, but also his potential family with you. At the moment, his parents are supporting him. Sounds to me like he is far from being able to pull his own weight — never mind that of a new family!
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| Money Problems, Gambling Past, Dishonesty: Is It Worth It? |
Do you really want to deal with this?
Don’t be afraid to make the right decision, this is your life we’re talking about!
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