I met a guy online 3 months ago and we started chatting but then totally hit it off. We even spent a few nights on the phone, ALL night long...
I met a guy online 3 months ago and we started chatting but then totally hit it off. We even spent a few nights on the phone, ALL night long, waking up still holding our phones! Well, we finally decided to meet last weekend. He came to pick me up at 6, and this was the first time we met but everything seemed to be going so well!Answer: Well, the first thing you should understand is that when a guy tells you something, especially on the first date, you shouldn’t believe him. The idea of him “disliking games” would fall into this category. But besides that, this doesn’t really sound like a game. He’s just being himself.
We went out to a movie and he took the stub from me and wrote on the back “our first date,” then gave it back to me and told me to hold on to it as “history.” We talked a lot after the movie and went out to dinner, and had such a great time, we both spent lots of time chatting and clicked!
No Awkwardness!
Prior to even meeting we both said that if there was something we disliked or didn’t feel right about “us,” we would just say it. Well, we talked about it after we met, and both agreed than we wanted to pursue this relationship. When he walked me to the door he asked me if I want to go out the following night again and I said yes. Then after he left, he called me 10 minutes later to say goodnight, and we stayed on the phone for almost an hour chatting again!
Then he said, “I’m off to bed but will call you when I wake up tomorrow morning.”
He Still Hasn’t Called — 5 Days Later!
If he doesn’t want to continue seeing each other, why not tell me, and why would he keep leading me on the entire night? He’s ignoring my calls and emails, too. I don’t understand why he would make plans for the following day if he didn’t want to pursue anything. I am so confused! And this after he said he didn’t like games!
He’s Being a Guy.
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| We Hit It Off… Then, He Vanished! |
I don’t know any guy who likes offending or disappointing women. As terrible as this may seem, we’ll say just about anything to avoid this happening. This means that whatever he told you that first time you went out really doesn’t mean much to him — nor should it to you.
For the vast majority of us and just about any guy I know, the whole idea is to make that evening out as great and entertaining as possible. We will usually stop at nothing to make sure the girl has a wonderful time, even if deep down inside, we don’t have any intentions beyond this night.
No matter what we may think of you or the possibility of any relationship with you, we still want you to like us! We’ll say anything we deem necessary to make sure that you do end up liking us at the end of the night.
This is Not a Game!
This is instinct. This behavior ensures that we end up being the ones with the ball in our court. We don’t do this meaning to hurt you, or to play any games. We aren’t doing this for entertainment purposes. We’re simply securing our place in your mind as that of someone with whom you enjoy spending time.
Regardless of what this guy said to you, he went to bed that night not being 100% sure about what he wants and doesn’t want to develop with you. It’s very possible that he had other dates since then, too. And it’s very likely that all of the girls he has seen heard the exact same things he’s told you!
At this point, he is taking his time getting back to for one of any number of reasons. It could be that he’s already decided that he does not want to proceed with any kind of relationship with you, in which case he’s possibly hoping that you forget him and move on, as he doesn’t want to say this out loud.
It’s also possible that he just hasn’t made up his mind about you yet, and he’s taking his time doing this. Or maybe, he’s simply one of those procrastinators who hasn’t gotten around to calling you and keeps putting it off! And now that a few days have passed, he may be trying to think of a valid reason to give you.
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| We can't help wanting to be liked by as many women as possible! |
I don’t want to hurt you by saying this, but my best advice to you would be to move on. It has been long enough, and unless he’s deathly ill in the hospital, he’s moved on. And so should you!
The good news is that there’s a lesson in all this: Take every word a guy says to you with a grain of salt, especially when it’s said on the first date.
Most of us don’t like “games” as much as you don’t, but we can’t help but be ourselves — be guys.
One last note: Next time, when a guy tells you he’ll call you, don’t call him. Even if he’s disappeared for a few days. Just move on!
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