Karabo Mokoena aged 22 had a fight with his boyfriend. At home, he murdered her, and then torched his torso to ashes. The world was livid. ...
Karabo Mokoena aged 22 had a fight with his boyfriend. At home, he murdered her, and then torched his torso to ashes. The world was livid. Months earlier, the accused Sandile Mantsoe had filled counter accusations against Karabo for common assault.
But sadly, it will not be the last time this horrific tale is recorded. It is a decision that many people in abusive relationships fiddle with: when to stay, reconcile and call it quits.Derick Matsengarwodzi
In such affairs, it is common to feel depressed, suffer low self-esteem, develop negative thoughts, and feel trapped and hopeless.
Understand your relationship: There are two different scenarios – either you are you are addicted to love or the feeling of being in love? Some partners associate love with pain? When left alone, isolated and feel unloved whilst young, one tends to seek out relationships early in life in order to cover up the lost gap.
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| Rockford “Roki” Josphats |
They started dating when she was 19.
“I started dating Calaz when I was just 19 years old and now I am 23 so we dated for four years. Calaz is the man whom I have had a lot of experiences with and because of that I have a special bond with him and I still love him,” revealed Moira.
Their relationship has taken a knock but she is willing to endure.
“He has hurt me and I am still in pain emotionally and physically but I still have feelings for him, but if we don’t resolve our differences the feeling will just end with time,” she added.
Growing up in an abusive environment may make a similar scenario familiar and comforting. Know and explore what led to the relationship and take time to heal. Don’t wait until you don’t feel anything to leave. Get the necessary support to rebuild your life and self-confidence.
Most importantly, take a break from love relationships.
Admit you are being abused: Abuse is not necessarily physical but victims tend to minimise it. It is often emotional and or physiological. Don’t wait for a black eye before you label it as abuse – it manifests in different forms.
He has been taunted as Africa’s own Chris Brown but a trail of controversy thwarted his rise to fame. Rockford Josphats aka Roki later assaulted her girlfriend Nyasha Valerie, stole her property and fled the country.
“Roki and I were in a relationship for close to three years but it was an on-off thing as many other factors would affect the smooth flow of the union, mainly on his side but I kept holding on,” said Nyasha to the Standard weekly newspaper.
Nyasha further added, “We would break up and get back together again as I really loved the guy but I later realised that some things do not change. He never changed every time I gave him another chance.”
After a miscarriage induced assault, the two connived not to report Roki to the police. The couple continued to live normally.
Please note: Most abusers are certified charmers and apologetic after the abuse. Usually, there is a honeymoon period. Soon after, tension builds followed by an explosion. Many participants stay trapped in this vicious cycle hoping the abuse will suddenly stop – unfortunately it persists.
Professional help: It is vital to reach out for professional help and make efforts to address issues that led you into that union. In most cases, a childhood of dominated by low self-worth and self-love may led into such unions.
Gender activist, Lisa Vetten says, “One out of every 20 women killed already had a protection order against their partner but because of police negligence, the women end up dead – a death that could have been avoided.”
“You must understand that these are people in a relationship which is characterised by intense emotions. So in such cases with excessive violence the perpetrator wants to do more than kill his partner but wants to completely eradicate the woman,” continued Vetten to the Sunday Times. – Additional Reporting from Online Sources
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