We’re all for love, romance and fuzziness at Metro.co.uk but the sad fact of life is that sometimes relationships don’t work. Just look at e...
We’re all for love, romance and fuzziness at Metro.co.uk but the sad fact of life is that sometimes relationships don’t work. Just look at every single relationship EVER in EastEnders for example.
When you are in a relationship that is destined to crash and burn, there are some pretty telltale signs to look out for.
We’re not saying that if one or two of these things are part of your relationship then it will fail but if you can nod your head sadly at more than you can dismiss then it might be time to re-evaluate your romantic situation.
This list is entirely tongue in cheek. At the end of the day, all relationships have their ups and downs and take work. So, as a disclaimer to ease my own conscience, don’t take this as an official checklist on whether or not to dump your partner; I couldn’t live with the guilt.
Listening to your heart is the only way forward. And, if you can sit down and laugh about some of these together with your partner, even if you recognise most, then you’ve made it guys. Enjoy being in love.
When you are in a relationship that is destined to crash and burn, there are some pretty telltale signs to look out for.
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| The `clear signs that your relationship is doomed |
1. Pet names become insults
Instead of calling your OH bae or princess, you call them less flattering names which I won’t soil your eyes with. And you kind of mean them.2. Duvet sharing becomes a thing of the past
Separate duvets pretty much ends bedroom intimacy. A quick cuddle and shuffle before entering your individual cocoons is a little more acceptable but still not great.3. You don’t say bye when you go to work
If the last thing you say is to remind your partner that its blue bin day then something is not right.4. You can’t pee in front of each other
Sorry, but a relationship NEEDS utter comfort around each other. If you shield your eyes when your lover is getting changed or can’t belch after a good meal, chances are there will always be an air of awkwardness.5. Compromise doesn’t exist
You actively avoid doing things your partner likes rather than embracing them to learn more about what makes them tick.6. You ask how the cats are before how your partner is
The first question on a phone call should be about your partner.7. You zone out when they tell a story
When you even start nodding at the wrong places, then you are definitely out of tune.8. You blame your partner rather than defend them
If someone pulls up your OH about something, you should be making excuses for them rather than agreeing. Even if the criticism is 100% spot on.9. Your night time activities are always separate
Epic couples watch TV together, go out together, play video games together and sometimes even share a book. If none of this happens and all activities involve different rooms or heavy use of earphones then its bad news.10. Differing politics
A socialist will never live with a UKIP supporter. Ever. In the first month, you might make allowances for their radical views but down the line you will do nothing but violently argue.11. Competition is a staple of the relationship
You are constantly trying to outdo your partner in things such as who makes the biggest salary or who the dog wags its tail more for.12. Sex is no longer exciting
It has become a chore and masturbation has become preferable as its quicker and less effort. Uh-oh.13. You notice your partner’s noisy eating
Their apple crunching drives you insane and even the TV being turned up to volume 100 won’t stop you noticing it.14. You pretend you’re single to other people
Something is seriously wrong if you avoid all mention of your relationship status. If you have ‘It’s Complicated’ on Facebook then you might as well replace it with ‘It’s Doomed’15. You start to panic what your kids will look like
Your fear that the hybrid of you and your other half will be hideous overrides your excitement of starting a family with them.16. You plan a family just so you have something in common
This is even worse. If not THE worst relationship decision you could ever make.17. Emotional blackmail becomes a thing
‘If you loved me…’ should never be the start of a sentence. Especially if you’re a little bit afraid of the answer.18. Passive aggression on social media
‘The wife wouldn’t approve of that’ or ‘Am I the only one who ever makes an effort?’ are BAD online utterances.19. Going to a restaurant is about the food more than the romance
You’re too busy taking a photo of your starter than staring into your lover’s eyes or feeding them one of your meatballs.20. Your humour isn’t compatible
If you are the self proclaimed king of sarcasm but your lover doesn’t get irony, then there will be a lot of misunderstandings.21. You are disappointed when it’s their name when you get a text
If you get the same feeling as when a PPI call comes through, then you just aren’t feeling it and you never will.22. Money becomes more important than gestures
If you worry about their birthday as you don’t want to spend money then your priorities are wrong. And you simply aren’t imaginative enough. After all, you don’t need to splash out to show someone you love them, right?23. You run out of things to talk about
You’ve been working away all weekend and you make a long distance call. When the topics dry up within five minutes, this can only get worse over time.24. Your own personal appearance no longer matters
In fact you stop scrubbing your armpits and doing the ‘gardening’ just to spite them.25. Your partner’s tears become an irritation rather than a concern
They’re crying AGAIN!?26. The question ‘are you OK?’ prompts a lie
Because its easier just to say yes rather than see your partner roll their eyes.27. You lie awake and wait for the snoring to start
And you chew your pillow in rage every single night.28. You hide your wedding/couple photos when an attractive friend comes round for coffee
Yeah, don’t do that.29. You go to bed without resolving arguments
If you can sleep easily while on bad terms, then you simply don’t care enough.30. You are ashamed of your partner
Rather than finding it endearing that they love TOWIE, you get snobby about it. Take your partner as they are or don’t take them at all.This list is entirely tongue in cheek. At the end of the day, all relationships have their ups and downs and take work. So, as a disclaimer to ease my own conscience, don’t take this as an official checklist on whether or not to dump your partner; I couldn’t live with the guilt.
Listening to your heart is the only way forward. And, if you can sit down and laugh about some of these together with your partner, even if you recognise most, then you’ve made it guys. Enjoy being in love.
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