She’s gorgeous, smart, funny, and, well –you think you might love her! He’s sweet, thoughtful, handsome, and everything you ever wanted. Yo...
She’s gorgeous, smart, funny, and, well –you think you might love her! He’s sweet, thoughtful, handsome, and everything you ever wanted.
You think you know where this is headed – but hold up! There are a few questions to ask before perusing the ring counter. Discussing these prior to engagement can lessen future roadblocks and pave the way to a happier marriage in the long run! |
| Ready to Get Engaged? 3 Questions to Ask Before Ring Shopping Begins. |
1. Do we share the same love language?
It seems a little ridiculous at first, but it’s the key to unlocking great communication! Every person interprets love in a different way: for some people it’s through physical affection; for others through things their spouse does; and others through gift giving. By learning your partner’s love language, you can express love to them in the manner they best recognize.In addition, it enables you to share what you personally receive as love. Though some of this will be established simply through dating, discussing it brings out details that don’t develop fully prior to marriage. Even if you and your partner don’t share the same love language, you will be equipped to love the other person in the manner they best recognize (and them you) –a sustaining force after “I do”.
2. Do we share the same values?
We’re not talking about a mutual passion for rock climbing and Mumford and Sons here. It’s one thing to share hobbies; sharing values is a whole new level! This discussion doesn’t always come up until the relationship takes a serious turn, yet it’s something that needs to be discovered prior to stopping at Zales.Our values are what guide our decision making: the social mores and personal convictions derived from family, faith, and life experience. Values touch everything: what we eat to how we spend our time to expectations for a spouse. Because they are so central to our person, it is wise to discuss them with the person we intend to marry –after all, you’ll be combining two sets of values!
By determining if your values align, you are on the road to setting the vision for your future marriage.
3. Do we share the same vision?
Values and vision go hand in hand, but they aren’t the same. There is saying: “Love consists not in gazing at one another, but in looking together the same direction.” By discussing personal convictions and working through any differences, a couple can set the vision for their future relationship. This ‘plan’ can alleviate false expectations and future disappointment, often caused by a lack of communication prior to marriage.‘Vision’ seems a little abstract, right?
Practically, sharing a vision means agreeing on the end result of your shared values. For instance, my husband and I wanted to be debt free within two years of marriage. That was our vision, and it was based on our personal values concerning finance. We shared the values, so we shared a vision. Letting values dictate vision and agreeing upon a common goal will provide a solid foundation from which to start marriage.
This is by no means an exhaustive list of what to discuss prior to marriage, but these topics can open doors to further discussion of what is personal to you and your partner. A wedding is just one day; marriage is for a lifetime! Sharing love, vision and values will make that marriage a lasting testimony to who you are as a couple.
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