Wouldn’t we all, ideally, like to enjoy a relationship that had 100% perfect communication 100% of the time? It would be a relationship wher...
Wouldn’t we all, ideally, like to enjoy a relationship that had 100% perfect communication 100% of the time? It would be a relationship where he’d always know exactly what she’s feeling and she’d just know that he knows. It would be a relationship where she could seamlessly anticipate his every need and response, where he would never get angry or grouchy or cranky. What a dream that would be (what a dream that is).
The truth is… no relationship is prefect. There will be struggles and challenges. It takes work, willful and intentional and very hard work, to continue to grow as a couple throughout many challenges. Some relationships can become very complicated, at times. They don’t always start out that way. Sometimes things just seem to evolve during a season of stress, tension, or overall difficulty. From one partner’s viewpoint, the change may come out of nowhere. One day everything will be great, the next day everything changes. This can lead to a breakdown in how couples communicate with one another.
Now, often times, people think of “communication problems” or “bad communication” in a relationship as solely being the case where one person just “stops talking”. However, that is not the case at all. There are many signs of bad communication in a relationship. We should all be aware of these things and work on them before they have an opportunity to become major issues.
(1) Not listening – If someone always cuts off their partner whenever they speak, they are causing a problem for their partner. Although not always intentional, this pattern of behavior is rooted in selfishness and should be addressed. The message it sends to the person being cut off is their opinion and thoughts are never as significant or valuable.
(“If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” ~ Proverbs 18:13)
(2) Disrespecting the other person – If someone feels it is acceptable to put down their partner or use insulting words that they know will injure that individual, that is not conducive to building a healthy relationship. It only tears down the person and destroys the relationship from the inside. Remember, no person belongs to another person. No one was put on earth to be anyone’s property. We must treat people as though they were truly crafted by God; see them as He does.
(“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” ~Philippians 2:3)
(3) Being easily angered - There are many reasons people become angry. Most anger is rooted in hurt. However, we must still be accountable for our actions and reactions. If someone has anger issues, they must understand how it affects their partner. Their anger may cause their partner to feel isolated, disenfranchised, or not free to share their thoughts and opinions. Additionally, both people may begin to feel the decline in sharing and that could lead to an increase in stress in the relationship. This is an opportunity for a very difficult cycle of struggle. They must seek the help they need.
(“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;” ~ James 1:19)
(4) Being passive aggressive – Many people think being calm and cool means you have done the right thing. However, if someone is calm, cool, and calculating then their approach and words are just as harmful as the person who flies off the handle and yells uncontrollably. We must ensure our motives are always pure and that we are not subtly seeking to hurt others. Passive aggressiveness is one of the most dangerous forms of communication.
(“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”~ Proverbs 15:1)
(5) Being argumentative - Couples will disagree. They will argue. However, when someone intentionally provokes arguments for purely selfish reasons (attention, making the other person stay longer, getting their way, etc…) that is where the real problems come in. This sort of behavior is an indicator for a deeper issue of an ungodly and manipulative nature. Introducing this type of communication into a relationship opens the door to many other issues.
(“But avoid irreverent babble, for it will lead people into more and more ungodliness” ~2 Timothy 2:16)
(6) Using profane language - One of the most dangerous things about profanity is how quickly it can go from casual to destructive in meaning. Profanity has no place in relationships. We should only use language that builds up our partners.
(“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” ~Ephesians 4:29)
(7) Nagging – If someone constantly pesters, follows their partner around yelling at them, sends relentless and redundant texts and emails, etc… this is out of order and it is called nagging. Nagging creates fatigue in the bonds of a relationship. It creates a very difficult situation for each person to hear what the other is trying to say.
(“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.” ~Proverbs 25:11)
(8) Ignoring – If someone is ignoring their partner for the intent of causing hurt or harm, this is definitely an issue. Not responding is when someone has good reason for choosing not to respond at that moment. In this case, we are talking about when someone has impure motives and they choose to ignore the other person in an effort to create conflict in the relationship. This is really more for attention-seeking and control. However, it does speak to deeper issues. This is an area of communication that should be dealt with if it becomes a problem or pattern of behavior.
(“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” ~Ephesians 4:31-32)
Closing Thought:
We are all human. We may not feel exactly the same from one day to the next. However, it is critical to always consider the impact of our behavior on the ones we love. Bad communication in a relationship does not mean the entire relationship is bad. It does mean this is an area you should work on. No matter how much love exists, bad communication is a seed that has (time and time again) compromised trust and, ultimately, destroyed relationships.
I’m glad you read this far, because it means you’ve learned a lot of good information that will help you when put it into practice. Here’s what I want you to do next …
 |
| 8 Signs of Poor Communication in Your Relationship |
The truth is… no relationship is prefect. There will be struggles and challenges. It takes work, willful and intentional and very hard work, to continue to grow as a couple throughout many challenges. Some relationships can become very complicated, at times. They don’t always start out that way. Sometimes things just seem to evolve during a season of stress, tension, or overall difficulty. From one partner’s viewpoint, the change may come out of nowhere. One day everything will be great, the next day everything changes. This can lead to a breakdown in how couples communicate with one another.
Now, often times, people think of “communication problems” or “bad communication” in a relationship as solely being the case where one person just “stops talking”. However, that is not the case at all. There are many signs of bad communication in a relationship. We should all be aware of these things and work on them before they have an opportunity to become major issues.
Here are 8 signs that one may need to invest in improving communication in their relationship:
(1) Not listening – If someone always cuts off their partner whenever they speak, they are causing a problem for their partner. Although not always intentional, this pattern of behavior is rooted in selfishness and should be addressed. The message it sends to the person being cut off is their opinion and thoughts are never as significant or valuable.
(“If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” ~ Proverbs 18:13)
(2) Disrespecting the other person – If someone feels it is acceptable to put down their partner or use insulting words that they know will injure that individual, that is not conducive to building a healthy relationship. It only tears down the person and destroys the relationship from the inside. Remember, no person belongs to another person. No one was put on earth to be anyone’s property. We must treat people as though they were truly crafted by God; see them as He does.
(“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” ~Philippians 2:3)
(3) Being easily angered - There are many reasons people become angry. Most anger is rooted in hurt. However, we must still be accountable for our actions and reactions. If someone has anger issues, they must understand how it affects their partner. Their anger may cause their partner to feel isolated, disenfranchised, or not free to share their thoughts and opinions. Additionally, both people may begin to feel the decline in sharing and that could lead to an increase in stress in the relationship. This is an opportunity for a very difficult cycle of struggle. They must seek the help they need.
(“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;” ~ James 1:19)
(4) Being passive aggressive – Many people think being calm and cool means you have done the right thing. However, if someone is calm, cool, and calculating then their approach and words are just as harmful as the person who flies off the handle and yells uncontrollably. We must ensure our motives are always pure and that we are not subtly seeking to hurt others. Passive aggressiveness is one of the most dangerous forms of communication.
(“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”~ Proverbs 15:1)
(5) Being argumentative - Couples will disagree. They will argue. However, when someone intentionally provokes arguments for purely selfish reasons (attention, making the other person stay longer, getting their way, etc…) that is where the real problems come in. This sort of behavior is an indicator for a deeper issue of an ungodly and manipulative nature. Introducing this type of communication into a relationship opens the door to many other issues.
(“But avoid irreverent babble, for it will lead people into more and more ungodliness” ~2 Timothy 2:16)
(6) Using profane language - One of the most dangerous things about profanity is how quickly it can go from casual to destructive in meaning. Profanity has no place in relationships. We should only use language that builds up our partners.
(“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” ~Ephesians 4:29)
(7) Nagging – If someone constantly pesters, follows their partner around yelling at them, sends relentless and redundant texts and emails, etc… this is out of order and it is called nagging. Nagging creates fatigue in the bonds of a relationship. It creates a very difficult situation for each person to hear what the other is trying to say.
(“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.” ~Proverbs 25:11)
(8) Ignoring – If someone is ignoring their partner for the intent of causing hurt or harm, this is definitely an issue. Not responding is when someone has good reason for choosing not to respond at that moment. In this case, we are talking about when someone has impure motives and they choose to ignore the other person in an effort to create conflict in the relationship. This is really more for attention-seeking and control. However, it does speak to deeper issues. This is an area of communication that should be dealt with if it becomes a problem or pattern of behavior.
(“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” ~Ephesians 4:31-32)
Closing Thought:
We are all human. We may not feel exactly the same from one day to the next. However, it is critical to always consider the impact of our behavior on the ones we love. Bad communication in a relationship does not mean the entire relationship is bad. It does mean this is an area you should work on. No matter how much love exists, bad communication is a seed that has (time and time again) compromised trust and, ultimately, destroyed relationships.
I’m glad you read this far, because it means you’ve learned a lot of good information that will help you when put it into practice. Here’s what I want you to do next …
- If this article is doing it for you, click the re-tweet button or facebook share below to share it with others.
- Share your comments below. Quentin McCall
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