With Bra Gee— It looks like some awful worm has gotten into the people and we are turning into a nation that quickly turns to fists when th...
With Bra Gee—
It looks like some awful worm has gotten into the people and we are turning into a nation that quickly turns to fists when things are not going our way. First it was Madzibaba Ishmael’s crew who turned on our beloved boys in booted feet and pummelled their batons into smithereens. Now two Chitungwiza municipal workers are alleged to have joined the rage train by giving the hapless mayor a shake-up over their unpaid remuneration.
And to judge by the jokes over the social media, it looks like the rest of us found the Budiriro fiasco a huge joke. Suddenly every joke is about the cop and the Mupostori. But I tell you, at the usual place we are not laughing at all. And if you stand in our shoes for a moment you will understand why.
Of course we have our bad moments with the police over the little sticky point of public drinking and all that jazz and at such moments we confess not to feeling too friendly towards the rather rough hand of the law.
It is also hard on our pockets when we have to fork over a good portion of our drinking budget in the form of fines, official or otherwise. So we tend to argue and make noise.
But we would never dream of raising our illegal bottles to smash the heads of the officers who are only upholding the law, silly as we may deem that particular act to be. And the fact that some citizens dreamt of doing it then did it really worry us. For you see, when we go to report some miscreants who will have sinned against us, we prefer a police force that is powerful and effective, aye even brutal. Then we like to see the long hand of the law speedily reach out and grab the accused and make sure that justice is delivered pronto.
So Bra Gee and the regulars are busy trying to find information as to where Madzibaba Ishmael may be holed up and pass it on to the police who are just itching to talk to the fellow so that everyone else learns that you always respect the law, even when you think it is wrong. Speaking of which, we are a bit perplexed. Was Madzibaba there on the fateful day and did he personally deliver or order the delivery of the rain of blows? Everyone just seems to be just calling for his head without really explaining those few pertinent points.
Or is he wanted on account of his 23 rules which seriously compromise the human rights of his followers? Take the ban of underwear at the sowe, that is serious and we hope to see the women’s groups demonstrating against it soon.
Did the Mopani worm do the trick?
We are excitedly hopping on one leg as we await the results of the paternity (and maternity?) tests that we are told are finally in the process. We are taking bets as to the possible outcomes and here are the three scenarios that we have come up with for you to place your money on:
1. It turns out that in spite of its humble size the Mopani worm is fully potent and the offspring really do belong to the alleged father. In which case he will apologise to his now divorced spouse and they make up and live happily ever after.
2. The children do not belong to A or B and someone will have to explain which planet they came from and how they landed on that particular doorstep out of all the doorsteps in the world.
3. The results are inconclusive or either party is not happy with them and we have to wait for retests from a different source.
Meanwhile tell us again, why are these tests still being done in South Africa when we have our own lab at home? We own no shares in the said lab and are not getting any PR consultancy fees but we love this country and really hate it when people keep on exporting our money for things that can be found right here at home.
And besides, we are sure that the local guys would be faster so our impatience can be assuaged sooner. Like we stated in the beginning, we are on pins and needles. If possible we are more anxious for those results than the parties involved themselves.
The net in front of the goal post
We need to put in our two cents worth on the matter of men busy pouring the precious products of their loins into receptacles that are strongly protected against any hope of procreation. One of our eminent citizens says that this system of strikers blasting at goal posts whose nets are securely tied in front and not behind is draining the nation of potential citizens. On the other hand those who do not agree with the view are calling for even more nets. They obviously see things in the same way as that musician from yesteryear who said something about it being all good to have many people in the family, until it was dinner time and the gravy ran out (kuwanda kwakanaka, kwakaipira kupedza muto).
We thought we would go to the root of the strong disagreements and read the document that has caused all this noise for ourselves, and we find that the whole argument is obsolete. Those who are for or against can save their insults for other opponents, for in this particular case the ball is out of their court.
Go back to the results good people and you will find that the nets have been torn off and Zimbabwean people are busy reproducing at the rate that cockroaches would envy.
The 0-4 age group is the largest by far and 41 percent of the whole population is less than 15 years of age. If that does not prove that people are busy, then we advise a trip to Chitungwiza where the streets are teeming with babies, toddlers, children and pregnant teens.
Till next week, bottoms up!
It looks like some awful worm has gotten into the people and we are turning into a nation that quickly turns to fists when things are not going our way. First it was Madzibaba Ishmael’s crew who turned on our beloved boys in booted feet and pummelled their batons into smithereens. Now two Chitungwiza municipal workers are alleged to have joined the rage train by giving the hapless mayor a shake-up over their unpaid remuneration.
And to judge by the jokes over the social media, it looks like the rest of us found the Budiriro fiasco a huge joke. Suddenly every joke is about the cop and the Mupostori. But I tell you, at the usual place we are not laughing at all. And if you stand in our shoes for a moment you will understand why.
Of course we have our bad moments with the police over the little sticky point of public drinking and all that jazz and at such moments we confess not to feeling too friendly towards the rather rough hand of the law.
 |
| BAR TALK: Of religious sticks and stones |
But we would never dream of raising our illegal bottles to smash the heads of the officers who are only upholding the law, silly as we may deem that particular act to be. And the fact that some citizens dreamt of doing it then did it really worry us. For you see, when we go to report some miscreants who will have sinned against us, we prefer a police force that is powerful and effective, aye even brutal. Then we like to see the long hand of the law speedily reach out and grab the accused and make sure that justice is delivered pronto.
So Bra Gee and the regulars are busy trying to find information as to where Madzibaba Ishmael may be holed up and pass it on to the police who are just itching to talk to the fellow so that everyone else learns that you always respect the law, even when you think it is wrong. Speaking of which, we are a bit perplexed. Was Madzibaba there on the fateful day and did he personally deliver or order the delivery of the rain of blows? Everyone just seems to be just calling for his head without really explaining those few pertinent points.
Or is he wanted on account of his 23 rules which seriously compromise the human rights of his followers? Take the ban of underwear at the sowe, that is serious and we hope to see the women’s groups demonstrating against it soon.
Did the Mopani worm do the trick?
We are excitedly hopping on one leg as we await the results of the paternity (and maternity?) tests that we are told are finally in the process. We are taking bets as to the possible outcomes and here are the three scenarios that we have come up with for you to place your money on:
1. It turns out that in spite of its humble size the Mopani worm is fully potent and the offspring really do belong to the alleged father. In which case he will apologise to his now divorced spouse and they make up and live happily ever after.
2. The children do not belong to A or B and someone will have to explain which planet they came from and how they landed on that particular doorstep out of all the doorsteps in the world.
3. The results are inconclusive or either party is not happy with them and we have to wait for retests from a different source.
Meanwhile tell us again, why are these tests still being done in South Africa when we have our own lab at home? We own no shares in the said lab and are not getting any PR consultancy fees but we love this country and really hate it when people keep on exporting our money for things that can be found right here at home.
And besides, we are sure that the local guys would be faster so our impatience can be assuaged sooner. Like we stated in the beginning, we are on pins and needles. If possible we are more anxious for those results than the parties involved themselves.
The net in front of the goal post
We need to put in our two cents worth on the matter of men busy pouring the precious products of their loins into receptacles that are strongly protected against any hope of procreation. One of our eminent citizens says that this system of strikers blasting at goal posts whose nets are securely tied in front and not behind is draining the nation of potential citizens. On the other hand those who do not agree with the view are calling for even more nets. They obviously see things in the same way as that musician from yesteryear who said something about it being all good to have many people in the family, until it was dinner time and the gravy ran out (kuwanda kwakanaka, kwakaipira kupedza muto).
We thought we would go to the root of the strong disagreements and read the document that has caused all this noise for ourselves, and we find that the whole argument is obsolete. Those who are for or against can save their insults for other opponents, for in this particular case the ball is out of their court.
Go back to the results good people and you will find that the nets have been torn off and Zimbabwean people are busy reproducing at the rate that cockroaches would envy.
The 0-4 age group is the largest by far and 41 percent of the whole population is less than 15 years of age. If that does not prove that people are busy, then we advise a trip to Chitungwiza where the streets are teeming with babies, toddlers, children and pregnant teens.
Till next week, bottoms up!
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