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Does He Love Me: Confused About His Intentions!

Does He Love Me? I met a guy about four years ago at work. We became friends, and about 3 years later, he asked me to hang out. During one o...

Does He Love Me?
I met a guy about four years ago at work. We became friends, and about 3 years later, he asked me to hang out. During one of these “hang outs,” we kissed, and after that, we spent a lot of time hanging out together and talking through the night. At some points several months later, we finally had sex. After that happened, I told him that it was no reason for us to be awkward around each other at work. Now I believe that this may have made him believe that all I wanted from him is to be friends with benefits.

Fast Forward to Now
Recently, we’ve been spending much more time together, and are even hanging out with both of our kids (he got custody of his daughter about a month ago, and she’s always with us now). We’re constantly doing family things and always seem to be together, feels like an actual family! He takes care of my car, mows the lawn, it’s like I have a man around the house!

So I decided to ask him where exactly “we” are the other day. When I did, he basically just said that “we’re ‘us’” and left the room. I was visibly upset, but didn’t want to push the issue, so I just went to bed. Now in the morning, he gave me a kiss and a hug but still didn’t mention a thing! So now, my feelings are hurt because I feel that we can’t even discuss this issue.

What is he thinking?!
Does he think of me as a friend still or does he love me?
Does He Love Me: Confused About His Intentions!
Answer: I can honestly say that this is another one of those over-analyzing scenarios some of us can’t help but participate in when we’re in a relationship. If I were you, I’d step back for a moment, calm down, and look at this from this guy’s perspective.

It’s very obvious that he is very much into you. If he wasn’t, believe me, he would not be mowing your lawn and taking care of mundane things around the house. He also wouldn’t be looking to spend all of his free time with you, as a family. He would have been going on dates or hanging out with his buds, instead.

Outside of mentioning that you have “kids,” you didn’t describe your own history, yet I’m willing to bet that the time directly after your breakup with your child’s father wasn’t an easy time for you. Something tells me you didn’t instantaneously have things figured out at that point. Did you?

Now put yourself in his position. He just got custody of his child, of course he’s in no rush to commit! He’s just gone through a rough time with another woman, he needs time to heal and move on, get his head on straight, and then come up with a better definition for “us” — one with which you’d be satisfied.

He's not taking care of your lawn for the fun of it!

Actions, Not Words
The guy’s showing you that he cares, and in my book, that should count for much more than any words he could say. Think of all the men who’d say just about anything to get girls in bed, or to gain their trust. Guys like that can always be figured out if you just pay attention to the way they act — and yours seems to be the opposite. That’s great news!

Men aren’t always great at having lengthy discussions about what we’re feeling. It just isn’t in us. But that kiss and hug he gave you this morning, along with all that mowing he does, those things scream that he does care for you. That’ll have to be enough, and in my opinion, it’s more than enough to calm your fears and put a smile on your face.
Give Him Time

He’s been through quite a bit lately, it’s obvious. I’d suggest enjoying his company, and letting him simply do the same with you. Take your time to really get to know each other as you spend time together, and he’ll eventually be done exploring what life with you may be like, and commit to you.

Until then, take solace in the fact that he’s smart enough to not jump into a new relationship pretending that he’s ready when he really isn’t. You’ve got a good, smart man, hold on to him and enjoy your life!
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