A cheating man is not necessarily inattentive, so be sure not to confuse both things. But when a man isn't paying attention to you it ...
A cheating man is not necessarily inattentive, so be sure not to confuse both things. But when a man isn't paying attention to you it could be for some other reasons. If he's saddled with kids, it's obvious to know who'll be getting his attention first.
This could be really frustrating because your man is doing something else or paying someone else attention when he should be spending time with you.
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| Effective ways to handle an inattentive boyfriend |
Shannon Richey of All Women Stalk, lists 7 possible solutions to handling your partner's inattentiveness if you find yourself in that situation and leaving the relationship is not an option for you:
- Don't try to make him jealous: First of all, do not try to get his #attention by making him jealous. This is an old mind game and he'll see it as such. Knowing that other #men want you might make him see what he has, but it also might become a source of “pride” for him and encourage him to use you as a showpiece of sorts. I've had a #boyfriend do this, so I know what I'm talking about.
- Talk to him about it: I know this sounds obvious, but you need to let him know how you feel. Chances are he doesn't realize that he's neglecting you; he could be distracted by that big project at work or feeling kind of run-down and tired. Don't beat around the bush; if you're worried he's thinking of breaking up with you, ask him. If he is, you can get it over with. If he's not, that opens the door to dialogue.
- Be realistic: Unfortunately, some #men are never going to be as attentive as we want. If he's ignoring you because he has a demanding job or interest (say, a musician) that isn't going to change, think about whether you want to continue with this #relationship because you're always going to be “second” to these things. Some #women can take it, some can't.
- Understand he's a guy: ..meaning there are some things he's just not going to notice. My husband tries, bless him, but sometimes he won't notice #things like a new hair color. I used to get upset about this until I realized that #men can't see as many colors as women do. They spend more #time looking at us as a whole so, unless it's a major change, they're not likely to notice or comment on things like a new dress or a haircut. That doesn't mean he can't be “trained”, but don't take it personally. If you think about it, this could be a good thing; if he doesn't notice your makeup, he probably also won't notice that pimple on your chin or those #dark circles under your eyes.
- Get a life of your own: This isn't to say you don't have one already, but get more involved in the life you have on your own. Join clubs at your school, hang out with friends, take up a new interest-anything that will take up #time you might otherwise spend worrying about him. Make yourself less available. Even if he doesn't end up paying more #attention to you, you'll have something to fall back on.
- Set up "regular dates": Set up times when you will do something that interests both of you and forces you to interact. Turn off the video games (unless that's your interest), stay off of the internet, don't take phone calls and do household chores beforehand. It doesn't have to be much; just something that you both like to do that reminds him of why he's with you in the first place.
- Leave: If all else fails, break up with him. If he can't be bothered to pay attention to you after you've let him know how you feel and tried to set up special time with him, let him go and find someone who will.
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