A common question about dating, courting, and then marriage is, “What if we get married and we are sexually incompatible?” I believe sex can...
A common question about dating, courting, and then marriage is, “What if we get married and we are sexually incompatible?” I believe sex can be worked out no matter the issue, assuming you have a devoted and loving couple dedicated to serving each other.
This is one reason God wanted us to save sex for marriage. Imagine having a partner that only you have experienced, thus you have no one to compare them to. How much fun would it be to learn and discover sex with a hubby or wife with you both being each other’s first?
Ok, back to reality. I do realize for 80-95% of us that will not be our reality, so let’s deal with it. Even us saved folk who walked with God may have a sexually filled past with deep knowledge and understanding of what we like and don’t like sexually. So, I can understand the concern of some people in this area. If you are a Christian single and you have faith in God and trust in him I don’t feel this should be a concern assuming you are trusting in God.
Personally I’ve not even thought once that the woman I will marry will not please me sexually, so for me when this question is posed I feel it’s coming from a selfish and fearful place within people who worry about this. The Bible teaches us perfect love casts out all fear. Thus, fear and love can’t exist together. If you have unconditional love for the person whom you marry then this will not be an issue. I believe there is nothing two people can’t overcome walking together as one.
Do you remember the record store Blockbuster Music? For those who don’t remember, they allowed customers to sample any CD in the store before they purchased the album. If the customer liked enough songs, most of the time they would purchase the entire album. Sadly, this is how a lot of singles view sex, dating, and courting before marriage. You try out as many people as you can until you find what you like. You might have sex with anywhere from 50-90% of the people you date.
Mr. Paul Carrick Brunson of http://onedegreefrom.me a matchmaker and relationship coach teaches his clients the very opposite of what I am suggesting. He believes in what he terms the “Test Drive Theory” From the name you can determine clearly what that means. Paul and I had a friendly discussion about this on twitter about 5-6 months ago. I like what Paul is doing in improving love and relationships I just don’t agree with him on this issue concerning sex before marriage.
I don’t think it’s healthy to determine first if we like the sex, before we consider marrying someone. I think it’s wrong on so many levels biblically and morally. Here are 5 reasons sampling sex can be deadly:
1. You can develop a sexual soul tie. A sexual soul tie is something I am going to address deeply in an upcoming blog.
2. You risk contracting a sexually transmitted disease and unwanted pregnancy.
3. You will create a pattern of behavior that will be hard to break once you are married.
4. You reduce sex to “an act” instead of a deep spiritual connection of the spirit. If you treat sex as a cheap act, then it will always have expensive consequences which can lead to an unhealthly emotional attachment.
5. Sex before marriage does not cause intimacy or pleasure. All it does is prevent intimacy, and pleasure from happening with your future spouse. All the soul ties, memories, and comparisons will drive you crazy as you try to make who you are with like your past sexual partners. I believe in a concept I call “vaginal masturbation” It happens when a couple is having sex and one or both parties are fantasizing about an old lover. Their bodies are there, but their minds are with a previous lover. Love yourself enough and have enough faith in God that your future spouse will be everything you need. Selfishness pushes you away from God’s best. Love and faith will have you right where you are suppose to be.
What other tips can you think of?
Via: The 5 Deadly Venoms of Sex before Marriage
This is one reason God wanted us to save sex for marriage. Imagine having a partner that only you have experienced, thus you have no one to compare them to. How much fun would it be to learn and discover sex with a hubby or wife with you both being each other’s first?
Ok, back to reality. I do realize for 80-95% of us that will not be our reality, so let’s deal with it. Even us saved folk who walked with God may have a sexually filled past with deep knowledge and understanding of what we like and don’t like sexually. So, I can understand the concern of some people in this area. If you are a Christian single and you have faith in God and trust in him I don’t feel this should be a concern assuming you are trusting in God.
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| The 5 Deadly Venoms of Sex before Marriage |
Personally I’ve not even thought once that the woman I will marry will not please me sexually, so for me when this question is posed I feel it’s coming from a selfish and fearful place within people who worry about this. The Bible teaches us perfect love casts out all fear. Thus, fear and love can’t exist together. If you have unconditional love for the person whom you marry then this will not be an issue. I believe there is nothing two people can’t overcome walking together as one.
Do you remember the record store Blockbuster Music? For those who don’t remember, they allowed customers to sample any CD in the store before they purchased the album. If the customer liked enough songs, most of the time they would purchase the entire album. Sadly, this is how a lot of singles view sex, dating, and courting before marriage. You try out as many people as you can until you find what you like. You might have sex with anywhere from 50-90% of the people you date.
Mr. Paul Carrick Brunson of http://onedegreefrom.me a matchmaker and relationship coach teaches his clients the very opposite of what I am suggesting. He believes in what he terms the “Test Drive Theory” From the name you can determine clearly what that means. Paul and I had a friendly discussion about this on twitter about 5-6 months ago. I like what Paul is doing in improving love and relationships I just don’t agree with him on this issue concerning sex before marriage.
I don’t think it’s healthy to determine first if we like the sex, before we consider marrying someone. I think it’s wrong on so many levels biblically and morally. Here are 5 reasons sampling sex can be deadly:
1. You can develop a sexual soul tie. A sexual soul tie is something I am going to address deeply in an upcoming blog.
2. You risk contracting a sexually transmitted disease and unwanted pregnancy.
3. You will create a pattern of behavior that will be hard to break once you are married.
4. You reduce sex to “an act” instead of a deep spiritual connection of the spirit. If you treat sex as a cheap act, then it will always have expensive consequences which can lead to an unhealthly emotional attachment.
5. Sex before marriage does not cause intimacy or pleasure. All it does is prevent intimacy, and pleasure from happening with your future spouse. All the soul ties, memories, and comparisons will drive you crazy as you try to make who you are with like your past sexual partners. I believe in a concept I call “vaginal masturbation” It happens when a couple is having sex and one or both parties are fantasizing about an old lover. Their bodies are there, but their minds are with a previous lover. Love yourself enough and have enough faith in God that your future spouse will be everything you need. Selfishness pushes you away from God’s best. Love and faith will have you right where you are suppose to be.
What other tips can you think of?
Via: The 5 Deadly Venoms of Sex before Marriage
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