I counsel a lot of couples that are on the verge of divorce. Many come looking for help in determining whether or not their marriage can be ...
I counsel a lot of couples that are on the verge of divorce. Many come looking for help in determining whether or not their marriage can be fixed. Most aren't asking so much how to stop a divorce, as they are is divorce inevitable.
Some of these partners have been unhappy and thinking about divorce for quite awhile. For others divorce talk has been triggered by an event such as the discovery of cheating or a series of events like repeated abuse of alcohol.
Regardless of the circumstances, how you stop a divorce is by preventing the need for one. Couples who learn how to communicate better, work at building trust, foster partnership in their marriages are doing divorce prevention whether they know it or not. Unfortunately, most of us aren't intentional enough about building our marriages to prevent a divorce ahead of time -- we wait until there's a crisis and then get to work fixing our relationship.
At the core of how to prevent or stop a divorce is change. Refusing to change or not changing is the cause of all divorces. Check out this Google+ post I wrote about a perfect relationship and I'll explain next how it relates to change. Click the 'Read More' button after the first 2 lines to read the full post.
Maybe you aren't somebody who wants or expects to have the perfect relationship. However, whether we're aware of it or not, we all have expectations of what marriage, our partner, or our lives would turn out like. And when those expectations (sometimes they're unconscious) aren't met we can understandably become dissatisfied.
Being willing to change is how to stop a divorce. And one of the most important things we can change is our expectations. As I wrote in the Google+ post, in couples counseling I find that one of the biggest problems most couples have is dealing with the imperfections in their partner. A common stumbling block to improving the relationship is the focus on changing all of the imperfections of the partner. Changing unrealistic expectations of our partners, especially regarding past hurts, is vital for relationship health.
You can stop a divorce with 3 little words, "I will change." You may not know how, and that's okay because there are people out there like me that can teach you. You just need to be willing to change yourself more than you want to change your partner.
I remember working with a couple in divorce counseling a few years ago. The husband hadn't cheated or done anything extreme, but he could be very demeaning and controlling towards his wife. We worked together in couples counseling for a while before she decided to file for divorce when he continued to refuse to make any changes. And he continued this stance while we mediated their divorce without attorneys. Finally, at one meeting about 5 months into the divorce process he finally broke and admitted he needed to change. Sadly, she was done and was not willing to change her decision to end the marriage.
It typically takes both partners being willing to say, "I will change," to stop a divorce from proceeding, but not always. And even though none of us can force our partner to say and do those words, we can certainly influence them by doing it ourselves. I believe there are always ways that both partners can change themselves for the better. Yet obviously in some situations one partner has more changing to do than the other, like in the cheating or alcohol abuse described earlier.
If you want to stop a divorce, try working on changing yourself, and start with the words, "I will change." We all can list things our partner has told us that they wish we would do differently and that's a great place to start. Even if you cannot stop the divorce, being willing to change is something that will definitely benefit you in the future.
Some of these partners have been unhappy and thinking about divorce for quite awhile. For others divorce talk has been triggered by an event such as the discovery of cheating or a series of events like repeated abuse of alcohol.
Regardless of the circumstances, how you stop a divorce is by preventing the need for one. Couples who learn how to communicate better, work at building trust, foster partnership in their marriages are doing divorce prevention whether they know it or not. Unfortunately, most of us aren't intentional enough about building our marriages to prevent a divorce ahead of time -- we wait until there's a crisis and then get to work fixing our relationship.
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| How To Stop A Divorce With 3 Words |
Maybe you aren't somebody who wants or expects to have the perfect relationship. However, whether we're aware of it or not, we all have expectations of what marriage, our partner, or our lives would turn out like. And when those expectations (sometimes they're unconscious) aren't met we can understandably become dissatisfied.
Being willing to change is how to stop a divorce. And one of the most important things we can change is our expectations. As I wrote in the Google+ post, in couples counseling I find that one of the biggest problems most couples have is dealing with the imperfections in their partner. A common stumbling block to improving the relationship is the focus on changing all of the imperfections of the partner. Changing unrealistic expectations of our partners, especially regarding past hurts, is vital for relationship health.
You can stop a divorce with 3 little words, "I will change." You may not know how, and that's okay because there are people out there like me that can teach you. You just need to be willing to change yourself more than you want to change your partner.
I remember working with a couple in divorce counseling a few years ago. The husband hadn't cheated or done anything extreme, but he could be very demeaning and controlling towards his wife. We worked together in couples counseling for a while before she decided to file for divorce when he continued to refuse to make any changes. And he continued this stance while we mediated their divorce without attorneys. Finally, at one meeting about 5 months into the divorce process he finally broke and admitted he needed to change. Sadly, she was done and was not willing to change her decision to end the marriage.
It typically takes both partners being willing to say, "I will change," to stop a divorce from proceeding, but not always. And even though none of us can force our partner to say and do those words, we can certainly influence them by doing it ourselves. I believe there are always ways that both partners can change themselves for the better. Yet obviously in some situations one partner has more changing to do than the other, like in the cheating or alcohol abuse described earlier.
If you want to stop a divorce, try working on changing yourself, and start with the words, "I will change." We all can list things our partner has told us that they wish we would do differently and that's a great place to start. Even if you cannot stop the divorce, being willing to change is something that will definitely benefit you in the future.
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