First Dates ! The stress, the pressure, the head ache of it all. The dreaded words. NOT ANOTHER FIRST DATE!!!! Don’t fret! It’s time to take...
First Dates! The stress, the pressure, the head ache of it all. The dreaded words. NOT ANOTHER FIRST DATE!!!!
Don’t fret! It’s time to take the pressure off yourself. Dating should be fun, help you break down personal barriers and teach you what you like about other people. Most importantly, dating is the dress rehearsal for your future life as a couple.Everyone thinks they are a great dater, but truth be told, most people do need self-awareness, advice and guidance to in order to become better at dating. And no, you’re not doing anything wrong. It’s just time to do things better and in a different way!
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| First Date Tips: Recognize When He/ She is Not Interested and Move On! |
First things first: First dates are for meeting and greeting.
It’s like a Date Zero, it’s just a starting off point, it’s not the rocket ship launching into orbit just yet, ok? Ease your mind and your nervous heart. On a First Date, each of you will determine if the other person warrants more face time.Do you get along?
Does the conversation flow?
Is there any chemistry?
The answers to these questions will determine whether that first date ‘meet-and-greet’ is followed up by a second date. The whole purpose of the First Date is to get the Second Date and then the Third Date and so on.
Each date should be consistent, within a week at a time. You don’t want months to go by between your First and Second Dates. “Oh hey Jay! Wow it’s great to hear from you, it’s been a year.” NO WAY. You want the person who wants to see you and see you each week and every week. Consistency is important! You don’t want your person to just vanish into thin air and then resurface when it’s convenient for them. That’s cruel to do to someone.
Second: NEVER GIVE UP.
There’s always someone else. If she or he rejects you, it’s ok to feel wounded for a moment, but it’s not ok to wallow in misery. There are millions of people looking to meet someone and if you broaden your scope and cast a massively wide dating net, you’re bound to meet a plethora of incredible singles who want a relationship just like you do. So hang in there and keep on moving!Third: Unless you truly despise the person, give them the benefit of the doubt by going out on a second date.
Not everyone makes a great first impression. If they didn’t come off as relationship material, it could just be that they were nervous or haven’t had much practice at being a great date.I’m not saying to settle or to give everyone a gazillion chances, but don’t overlook a potentially great catch just because they didn’t knock your socks off on the first try. Hopefully, the same consideration will be given to you. In baseball you get three strikes and you’re out! In dating, try the two date rule. If you think there’s a possibility, give that person one more date. After two dates, if there’s still no spark, then it’s time to move on and say Next!
Let’s be honest, you weren’t the best driver when you first got your driver’s license. I’m sure you hit a few bumps in the road—and got a few dings in your car. It took lots of practice for you to feel comfortable behind the wheel and master the asphalt. Apply that same mentality to first dates. Get out there and practice, practice, practice!
And don’t get all bent out of shape if it doesn’t work out. There’s no reason to expect exclusivity. Remember, you’re not exclusive—you only went on one date!
Follow these tips to successfully maneuver the dating highway:
- Get out of your house! Leave your apartment! Yes, even in the bad weather.
- Go to an indoor gym, sign up for spin class, take up tennis lessons and hit the links!
- Always look put together and clean. Messy is not attractive.
- Ladies – END IT FIRST! Always end the date first! Leave him wanting more.
- He should be asking you to extend the date, go for a walk, have dessert etc…
- Don’t pursue him! Don’t call him. Don’t call all his friends to find out what he’s up to.
- WAIT. HAVE PATIENCE. If he’s crazy about you and into you, he’ll want you and he’ll reach out.
- Guys – don’t expect instantaneous replies to voicemail and text messages. Women are busy.
- ASK HER OUT! Don’t forget that part of the process.
- NEVER assume anything. Don’t assume you’re dating and don’t assume she’s in love with you.
- In order to be exclusive, you have to date and have the exclusivity talk.
- Don’t waste time chit-chatting over texts and forget to ask for a date
- Don’t feel afraid to turn down a second date by saying, “I’m sorry, but I don’t feel a spark.”
- Pay attention to those that want to spend time with you and invite you for a nice dinner versus just a quick meet/greet coffee guy. The level of interest seems higher with the guy that wants to take you out for a great meal.
Follow the checklists below to tell whether your interest is reciprocated or it’s time to move on:
Signs that he is interested:
- He asks you for a second date during Date One
- He asks you if he may call you
- He calls you
- He says he had an amazing time and wants to see you again
- He calls and texts you after your date and secures a second date with you! BAM!
- He asks you when you are free, makes it clear he wants to see you again and follows up
- He sets up the next date
- He texts you in between dates to say he’s thinking about you
- He asks you out for Saturday night dates
- He doesn’t ever skip weeks
Signs that she is interested:
- She says yes when you ask for a second date
- She answers your phone calls
- She replies to your texts in a timely manner
- She smiles when she sees you
- She accepts Saturday night dates (the ultimate date night)
- She may not be available for one of the times you offer to take her out, but she declines politely and says something like, “I wish I could, I would love to see you, I just can’t tonight.” OR “Thank you! That sounds amazing! I already have plans on Friday night though.”
- When a girl politely declines, don’t give up!!! Go ahead and ask her for another time that she’s free instead. Don’t be discouraged!!!!
Signs he’s not interested and you should move on:
- He doesn’t ask you for a second date
- He doesn’t call, text, or email you after your date
- He friends you on Facebook but never calls, texts, or FB messages you
- He only asks you for dates during the week but never for Saturday night dates
- He allows for a week or more to go by without contacting you
- He doesn’t try to kiss you by the second date
- You guys have awesome, witty FB convos and texts, but he doesn’t ask for a real date
- He’s only available on weekdays and only for a short period of time, such as a quick coffee or a fast lunch, but he’s never available on weekends
- He says he likes you so much but never sees you
- He’s all talk and no action
- He’s NOT dating YOU, he’s NOT asking you out for plans
- He’s got an excuse for everything!!!
Signs she’s not interested and you should move on:
- She never answers your phone calls
- She never calls you or calls you back
- She never responds to your texts
- She doesn’t want to give you her phone number, email address, Facebook, Twitter or Instagram
- She turns you down every single time you ask her out
- She rejects a kiss from you
- She won’t hold your hand
- She’s hurrying the date up so it will end and she can just leave
- She’s never available
So get off your high horse and jump on a pony instead; your perception will be much more reliable with your feet closer to the ground. Continue to date, date, date, and date—that is the only way you’ll find your life partner! NEVER EVER EVER GIVE UP!!!!!
If one person turns you down, it’s not the end of the world, please continue to practice and date and ask the next girl out! It’s like watching TV. If you don’t like what you’re currently watching, you just switch channels. You don’t have a hissy fit or go into a major depression. You make a change and move forward.
GET OVER YOUR FEAR OF REJECTION and let’s work on boosting your confidence. Not every single person will be attracted to or like you and it’s totally OK. As we say in The Rules community, rejection is life’s protection!
And most of all, remember that it’s just a first date, so stop putting so much pressure on yourself!
For more dating and relationship advice, check my bio below and visit my website where you can browse through a list of services designed to help you make that first date be the beginning of a long romance!
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