I was on the way to office. Here is what happened. I was in the crowded bus looking around when I accidentally stepped on a big woman behind...
I was on the way to office. Here is what happened. I was in the crowded bus looking around when I accidentally stepped on a big woman behind me. 'I am sorry!' I exclaimed trying to turn away when an angry voice caught me.
'DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THESE SHOES ARE WORTH?' The woman yelled pointing her heeled shoes looking belligerently at me. I turned to look at the woman properly and for the first time saw the angry, scared eyes of the big woman and looked at her with pity. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw the others trying to move away from the scene which all of them were sure was going to develop into something nasty.
The woman seemed oblivious to it as she continued. 'THESE SHOES....'
I almost smiled looking at the woman straight in the eye and the woman faltered for a second and then was about to continue when I interrupted clearly. 'I said I was sorry!' I said emphasizing every word. The woman was about to continue but then she seemed to lose steam and gruffly nodded her head and moved away. I looked at the woman and turned away shrugging. I knew that type well and I had a life time experience dealing with it.
My father had taught me...He had a anger problem and I still remembered my childhood where I had spend cringed under the bed scared and nervous not knowing what to do when my dad had had one of his famous anger rants......Along the years, as I learnt to deal with my father I realized something very important. The more scared I got the more my dad would get annoyed...
1. It really helps if you do not lose your calm.
That had probably led to me understand something very important. The trick was that angry people reacted to fear almost immediately. If they knew that you were afraid, they felt that it was a perfect place to let some steam off and the rant went on for an unbearably long time. (Trust me, I know) Stop reacting to the anger, never lose your calm and show no fear.....The three things together somehow put angry people off almost immediately.
I knew from experience that angry people never got angry at people who did not react to it. They needed someone who did something in response to what they were saying....Absence of any emotion just put them off.....
2. It was never personal.
That led me to my second discovery. Anger was never personal. I was damned sure the woman had no particular problem either with her shoes or with me. It was just that the two of us together gave a perfect opportunity to the woman to let out some steam. If you took the rant of an angry person seriously, the angry person feels more than justified at losing their temper and it just got worse...
3. End the conversation as soon as possible.
There in the bus as I watched the woman angrily walking away with pursed lips, I understood something else. Any conversation with an angry person had to be ended as soon as possible. I had been correct in apologizing. It was not a sign of weakness. I had made a mistake and I had acknowledged it. The angry woman had nothing more to do with me thereby ending the conversation as soon as possible....
The bus chugged as I got off the next stop....
'DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THESE SHOES ARE WORTH?' The woman yelled pointing her heeled shoes looking belligerently at me. I turned to look at the woman properly and for the first time saw the angry, scared eyes of the big woman and looked at her with pity. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw the others trying to move away from the scene which all of them were sure was going to develop into something nasty.
The woman seemed oblivious to it as she continued. 'THESE SHOES....'
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| Dealing with an angry woman: |
My father had taught me...He had a anger problem and I still remembered my childhood where I had spend cringed under the bed scared and nervous not knowing what to do when my dad had had one of his famous anger rants......Along the years, as I learnt to deal with my father I realized something very important. The more scared I got the more my dad would get annoyed...
1. It really helps if you do not lose your calm.
That had probably led to me understand something very important. The trick was that angry people reacted to fear almost immediately. If they knew that you were afraid, they felt that it was a perfect place to let some steam off and the rant went on for an unbearably long time. (Trust me, I know) Stop reacting to the anger, never lose your calm and show no fear.....The three things together somehow put angry people off almost immediately.
I knew from experience that angry people never got angry at people who did not react to it. They needed someone who did something in response to what they were saying....Absence of any emotion just put them off.....
2. It was never personal.
That led me to my second discovery. Anger was never personal. I was damned sure the woman had no particular problem either with her shoes or with me. It was just that the two of us together gave a perfect opportunity to the woman to let out some steam. If you took the rant of an angry person seriously, the angry person feels more than justified at losing their temper and it just got worse...
3. End the conversation as soon as possible.
There in the bus as I watched the woman angrily walking away with pursed lips, I understood something else. Any conversation with an angry person had to be ended as soon as possible. I had been correct in apologizing. It was not a sign of weakness. I had made a mistake and I had acknowledged it. The angry woman had nothing more to do with me thereby ending the conversation as soon as possible....
The bus chugged as I got off the next stop....
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